Blended
families were once considered “non-traditional” families. Today, blended
families have become just as common as non-blended families. Currently, 52% of
married couples (or unmarried couples who live together) have a step-kin
relationship of some kind, and 4 in 10 new marriages involve remarriage.
If you’re
part of a blended family, you’ve probably recognized the extra layer of
complexity that comes with planning for your family’s needs and accommodating
the many relationships that exist between step-parents, step-kids, and
step-siblings. Topics that might be straightforward for a “traditional” family
- such as where to spend the holidays or who gets the old family car - are more complex.
Feelings
tend to be more sensitive, as the person in a “step” role may feel
self-conscious about their place as the “outsider” of the family, whereas one
parent’s children may feel put out by the addition of a new step-parent,
step-sibling, or half-sibling when their mother or father remarries.
In a
blended family, you work hard to navigate these complexities to keep the family
unified and happy. But what you might not know is that our laws for what
happens if you become incapacitated or die are still very much based on the
traditional family model. Without planning for your blended family in advance,
they will likely end up in court and conflict.
What Estate Law Says About Blended Families
Every
state has different provisions for what happens when you become incapacitated
or die, and the laws of the state where you become incapacitated or die may or
may not match your wishes. What’s more, even though you may see your
step-family members the same way as your blood relatives, the law does not.
For
example, in Colorado, if you are survived by a spouse, your surviving spouse
would only receive a part of your estate if you have living children (or
parents!), and your living children or parents would receive the rest. The
amount your spouse receives is variable based on the number and ages of your
children.
In
California, all community property assets would go to your surviving spouse,
and separate property assets would be distributed partially to a surviving
spouse and partially to children, if living, in amounts depend on the number of
surviving children.
It can
get very complex in Texas, depending on whether your assets are separate or
community, and whether you have children from the marriage, no children from
the marriage or living parents or siblings.
As you
can see, what’s true for what happens when you die may not result in the
outcome you want for your loved ones, especially in a blended family situation.
That’s why it’s so important to create an estate plan for your blended family
well in advance, and I encourage you to discuss your plan with the members of
your family to avoid hurt feelings, confusion, or pain in the future.
Avoid Conflict in Your Blended Family Through Open
Communication
Estate
planning is often seen as a highly private affair, but it doesn’t have to be,
and oftentimes, shouldn’t be. In the case of a blended family, having open
conversations with your loved ones about your estate plan and your goals for
the family can save them from hurt feelings and even court battles in the
future.
Like all
families, how you plan for your blended family will depend entirely on your
family dynamics, your family members' situations, and your own personal values
for how an inheritance should (or shouldn’t) be received and what kind of
legacy you want to leave behind.
Maybe you
have step-kids and biological kids but want all of your children to inherit an
equal share from you and your spouse. Perhaps there’s a large age gap between
your step-kids and biological child, so you want to make sure that your
youngest has the financial support they’ll need if something happens to you,
whereas the older children are able to support themselves.
A person you have a step-relationship with
has no right to inherit from you under the law, unless you put your plan in
writing.
You don’t
need to give away every detail of your Will or Trust, or tell everyone who you
named to make decisions for you if you’re incapacitated. Instead, have an open
conversation about the general goal of your estate plan, such as wanting
everyone to have an equal share, or that you want to provide more for your
biological children because your step-children will already receive a full
inheritance from their other parent.
By taking
the mystery out of your estate plan goals, your step-children will feel
included in the discussion and feel like they are knowledgeable about your plan
rather than feeling hoodwinked or hurt if they find out later that your plan
doesn’t align with the expectations they created for it in their minds.
Most
importantly, let the people in your life know you value and love them, and that
no matter how they’re related to you, you care about them and want them to
inherit not just material things from you, but also your values, stories, and
legacy.
Create
More Than a Plan, Create a Family Legacy
To make
sure your wishes for your blended family are followed in the event of your
death or incapacity, it’s essential to have a well-crafted estate plan created
by an attorney experienced in serving blended families.
I know
all too well the importance of planning for blended families and can help you
navigate your options and desires for your family’s plan. I take the time to
really get to know you and your family’s unique situation and educate you about
what exactly will happen to your family under the law if something happened to
you right now, so you can make confident decisions about what’s right for your
family. I recognize that your material possessions are only a small part of a
successful estate plan. What will really matter to your family members, no
matter how they became your family, is your legacy.
Instead
of leaving your family a mess to be battled over in court, leave your family an
example of financial wellness, of a plan filled with personal values and family
history.
To do
this, I include what I like to call a Family Legacy Interview with all of my
estate plans. During this interview, I give you the opportunity to leave your
most important assets - your values, stories, and heart - to your family in a
meaningful way that they’ll cherish for years after you’re gone.
And for a
blended family, the Family Legacy Interview can be even more valuable because
it gives you the opportunity to really speak to your loved ones about the plan
you created for them and how much you value the place they hold in your heart.
If you
want to protect your blended family from a court battle and emotional conflict,
contact
us today to schedule a complimentary consultation.
This
article is a service of Ganvir Law, Personal Family Lawyer®. We do not just
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